By: Marie Kesler
I remember growing up, I wanted a huge family. Like any little girl, I would play with my dolls and I always had seven kids. My imaginary husband would help me with making dinner and we would read our kids bedtime stories and tuck them in. What little angels those dolls were.
Fast forward quite a few years to when my husband and I were ready to have a family. He of course knew that I wanted seven kids—I don’t know that he wanted that many, but my husband is so accommodating that he never complained. I was prepared to be the “crunchy” mom with cloth diapers, homemade baby food, baby wearing…the whole nine yards.
I got pregnant and was having as close to a perfect pregnancy as you can get: not a lot of morning sickness, high energy, good health for mom and baby. I loved being pregnant and since that was what many moms dislike, my plans for seven kids was still on track.
When I went into labor, we headed to the hospital were I was already dilated 7.5cm, so we didn’t expect a long labor.
We were wrong. 24 hours later and my son still had not made his appearance. Worry for him and the extended labor caused my blood pressure to escalate, so the doctor recommended an emergency c-section. I fought as hard as I could because once you have a c-section it’s harder to have natural births and can be more dangerous, plus I wanted to be a ‘crunchy” mom. Crunchy moms don’t have c-sections! I wasn’t even using an epidural so I sure didn’t want a c-section! I was watching my parenting goals start crashing down around me.
I ended up having the c-section. My son Matthew was perfect. But I found that I couldn’t keep up with his energy or with the cloth diaper laundry! I quickly switched to Pampers and lost another “crunchy” mom point. I did end up making my own baby food once it was time for him to move away from breastmilk but I ended up injuring my back and could never do the baby-wearing so I gave up my “crunchy” mom goals.
When I got pregnant with my second son, I was nervous. Would I be able to have him naturally? How would I have enough energy to be pregnant and keep up with my almost two-year-old. My blood pressure was higher during my second pregnancy and I ended up being put on bed rest. In the hospital when it was time to deliver, my labor stalled once again and once again I had a c-section.
After Mark was born, my husband and I felt peace about not actively trying for anymore children. My dreams of seven children felt more complete with our two healthy, high energy sons. So even when I used Pampers and Gerber for Mark, I didn’t feel bad because dreams and goals change and evolve once we actually know the children God will bless us with.