By: Jacqueline Koutsoufis
Watching everyone posting on Facebook that their child has reached double digits knowing that this is the big mark for a child where they start getting excited that they are close to being a teen. You see they reach being a tween.
For the past nine years, I have set a tradition of allowing myself to sit and wallow on this day. I would go and pick out a little trinket, something to place on my son’s stone.
We would go to the cemetery as a family, place our gift, and my husband and I would hold each other and cry…
We have tried to have a cake or cupcake at the cemetery to make it a bit more uplifting, not only for my children but to make it more bearable for myself and husband.
I play the statement over and over in my head it will get easier as time goes on. It will hurt less. Every year around this time, the words play over and over in my head. And I say to myself and those who said it, “When is it going to get easier when is the pain going to stop. When?!”
I realized this year, I have been going about this the wrong way. I was mourning! Mourning every year, reliving my pain over and over, not allowing myself to heal.
I felt awful! Not only physically, but emotionally.
So this year, when my son would have reached his double digits, we are celebrating. Going all out not only for him, but our other children’s birthdays fall right around his birthday—angelversary. So on his birthday, where he would have been 10, we will celebrate his two sisters and his brother. All my summer babies are being celebrated together.
Happy birthday my beautiful angel, until I see you again.
Joseph 8/7/06 RIP