By: Cyndy Muchine
This is one of the most talked about topics everywhere. There is even an acronym for it: DV. It’s very serious.
We ask ourselves daily, why are some people violent? Often, violence is attached to power. There’s something about being in control and wanting that control all the time. Some people feel that they need to be in charge all the time; and when they become a second priority, it does not sit well with them. They become abusive to gain that power back and render the other powerless. THEY WIN!
Abuse of any kind is NOT okay! Many families are faced with domestic violence all day and every day. Abuse is very common. Did you know that a woman is abused every nine seconds? Did you know that men also get abused? Some make it out and can speak about it while others don’t.
Domestic violence does not discriminate based on gender, race or background! It affects us all. When you’re in an abusive type of relationship, you begin to question your sanity! You begin to ask yourself why can’t I leave? What did I miss? What did I do wrong? I want to let you know that this is not your fault. It is the fault of the abuser. They are the ones with a problem. Abuse exists emotionally, mentally, psychologically, and of course physically.
Why don’t people leave abusive relationships? There’s a stigma to leaving someone. It’s not socially acceptable. Leaving someone you once loved does not come as easy as people believe.
There’s also the aspect of financial stability. If I leave, what will I do for money? What will my children eat? My children need their father or vice versa. Children are always caught in the middle; and a word of advice, staying does more harm than good for the children.
Some stay due to fear of death. Imagine telling your lover that you’re relinquishing their power over them? Based on past and present research, abused victims stay because they fear being stalked and killed. They would much rather stay alive and endure the pain and humiliation.
How do you know if your loved one is in an abusive relationship? Listen keenly to them. There’s always a hidden message in silence, missing appointments, work, school. Check for bruising and that uncomfortable feeling when they’re around their partner. Some partners exhibit possessiveness or obsessive behaviors that warrant checking. When they snap easy, be wary!
Thankfully, programs have been established to help abuse victims exit the unhealthy environments. Safe and affordable homes have been erected to help abuse victims transition to better living. These safe havens have been linked to counseling, advocacy, and education.
When you learn, you grow; and you become more aware of what to look out for.