By: Michaelene Koskela
Let me set the record straight. Your baby is a miracle. How the big box retailers that supply baby goods and gadgets found you and your email address is not a miracle. Neither you nor your OBGYN office notified Babies “R” Us, Target, Walmart or Buy Buy Baby that you were expecting. As an expectant mother, you more than likely received the barrage of literature, inbox messages and coupons before your first prenatal visit.
Many of you, in your excitement, will register online while accessing a baby due date calculator (and clutching a tissue-wrapped pee applicator). You may believe that you need this talisman to access these sites. You do not, and I have news for you – they want to find you. It’s not a coincidence you overlooked a pre-checked box asking them to notify you of everything “baby.”
You will get phones calls from “Baby Registry Specialists” noticing that your gift list was missing a $50.00 diaper disposal system. They will promise that system will keep your nursery odor and germ free. Heaven forbid you dispose of a diaper in a regular trash can.
A seasoned registry specialist will celebrity name drop. “Drew as in Barrymore, bought the XYZ 3-in-1 and her people claim she could not live without it. Let’s just go ahead and upgrade your registry to include Drew’s suggestion?”
They will want to know the sex of your baby. Refrain from reminding them that your embryo is not even the size of a lima bean. Maybe in a few months, after you notify your family that you are expecting, you may call this stranger back and let them know what the sex is…or NOT.
Registry specialists would be more beneficial if they were also Mommy soothsayers. It would be great if he or she could email you sage advice each week of your pregnancy. The advice could resemble something along these lines:
1) Bathtub Markers – Read the warning label, as not all bathtubs are created equal. Mommy scrubbing, bleaching, and swearing is not so fun. Our tub has a red scribble circa 2012.
2) Grocery store carts shaped like police cars, buses or fire engines will add 45 minutes to your shopping trip. These vehicles lack power steering, and their turn radius is equivalent to a semi-truck.
3) Do NOT make Jell-o with 4 year old. Children will ask every 15 seconds if it’s done yet. Gelatin takes 4-6 hours to fully set. This is your warning.
4) Training Potties are not part of the household septic system. Holding your breath while dumping does not help. You will need to watch the process. The sooner you train the little fanny to sit were the big fanny sits, the better.
5) Buy AAA/AA batteries in bulk. Murphy’s Law: The chosen toy to keep your child occupied while you work will need 8 AA batteries. Stealing from the household TV remotes will still leave you with a deficit.
Being prepared for when your baby arrives is important, and having a registry is helpful for friends and family. Do not trust that the retailers will have insight to what you and your child will eventually need.
Follow our blog – moms have helpful recommendations. My, fellow blogger, Danielle McFadden, wrote about her favorite items here. It does not hurt to seek the advice of a close friend or family member. Someone with multiple children will be your best source. During the early months, keep the items to a minimum. Concentrate on bonding with your child – you have time to get whatever else is necessary. After all, statistically, many children will remain at home for 20+ years.